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With Strangers

by Rose Droll

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1.
I’ve a list of things to do It sits on my floor I cross it several times a day On my way out the door I’d throw it out but I’ve grown kind of fond of its new little home Alone on the hearth of a fireplace I never use anymore I’ve got a list of things to do Cross them off as I go Makes no difference to me If they get done real slow I’m on track I don’t look back I reap what I sow It’s all shit Bullshit Tell me something I don’t know It’s all shit Well, isn’t it Who the hell knows
2.
I have a feeling I can’t shake You had it right to move upstate You had to go, I had to stay I think about it every day I have a feeling I’ll be gone As soon as something turns me on I’ve got to leave, I’ve gone insane I think about it every day
3.
I don’t talk about the things we used to know I don’t ever read the letters that you wrote We don’t have to talk about it anymore We don’t have to talk about it Now I catch every spider on my own Don’t know what I was so afraid of You talk about me like no time has passed You don’t have to talk about me I don’t want to carry on You’re much better in my memory I talk about you as if make-believe In a fantasy I leave I talk about you as if make-believe In a fantasy I leave
4.
He’s been having dreams, wakes up in a sweat Rips apart his eyelids, holds onto his chest Wants to call a friend but it’s 3 AM Everyone is sleeping and the house is dead He does like he learned once in therapy Inhale from the gut and exhale slowly It’s almost like it never happened at all When you turn on your light Just a shadow shape-shifting on the wall Like when a car’s driving by This is how you’ve lived since you were a kid You wake up in sweat but recall all of it I get out of bed, make myself some tea Think about the things I’ve buried deep inside of me Think about the things I carry deep inside of me Is it like it never happened at all This visceral plight What’s a shadow shape-shifting on the wall When there are no cars to drive by Shadows on the wall Nobody driving by
5.
I’m tired and I’m getting cold I turn the heater up, I recognize I’m getting old I wake up with a sore neck Take a tylenol to forget My head is fucking killing me I didn’t even drink I’m paying through the nose now For shit that I don’t even know about When I kinda wanna end it I know my thoughts have descended Guess it’s time to phone up Helen I could use a session or two or a fucking million But I don’t wanna call her It’s been too long since I saw her I don’t think she’s mad at me But I bet she’s disappointed Bet she doesn’t even think twice About her clients from a past life But even I don’t really think that Maybe she would like to take me back I felt like we were married Sometimes I just wanted to lie She saw into me like a hot knife Would sit and watch me while I cried I could tell when she was tired And when she didn’t give a shit She could tell when I was nervous She knew what I was trying to forget I love her like a mother I can’t even pretend Now I feel guilty cause I want her to miss me When probably all I really need are better friends I felt like we were married Guess that’s the kind of wife I’d be Weird love, enough is never enough And when the fuck is it appropriate to leave How can I have an attachment To someone just because they listen Guess I might fall in love with anyone Who vows to validate my feelings instead of dismiss them I didn’t even tell her What she probably needed to know But she planted what I have her I sit back and watch it grow She hugged me over Christmas I wanted her to say That she loved me and missed me And didn’t want me to go away
6.
Fantasy 01:30
7.
Every time I drink I want another one and another one And another one and another one And another one and another one I know what you think, but I’m not one of them One of them One of them I’ve never been like one of them One of them I see a shrink just like everybody else I tell her things, she tries to help I think it helps, I really do To have another point of view So don’t you think I’d know it after all these years Of working through in leather chairs If you were right to say and think That all I want is another drink And another one and another one And another one and another one And another one and another one
8.
A Good Time 03:57
We had a good time When we were young but now we’re older and a lot has changed We’ve gone our separate ways No fun to realize I only theorized without making you a part of it Now it’s all gone to shit And then there’s last night You stood beside me as my feet drew circles on the floor Who were they dancing for? And then you walked out I’m not about to say please stay Those days have come and gone Off on and off and on We had a good time When we were young but now we’re leveling on different planes On earths that only quake No fun to come to Wishing you’d come through then remembering what I forgot We were and now we’re not And then there’s last night Under the waning light of bodies set to separate Some starts are meant to fade Til dim and dark again I can’t see through but pretty soon I’ll flick the light again On off and on again
9.
Well I don’t know what’s wrong here I’ve been this way so long dear God knows it’s been a long year And I don’t know what’s wrong here But if I keep my head up Above the black matter My will from going down Maybe a light will show up Above the black matter, the rabid mad hatter for that matter If I keep my mind from opening doors in my head Why don’t you know what’s wrong here You’ve done the dance and song dear It hasn’t been the best year But maybe that’s alright dear Cause if you keep your head up Above the black matter Your will from going down You know a light will show up Above the black matter, the rabid mad hatter for that matter You’ll learn to keep your mind from opening doors in your head
10.
Overseas 02:10
I would be your lover I would be your friend I would go the distance Til death do us in If I wanted to like I say I do I could be specific But I’ll keep it vague If it wants to surface It will find a way If I want it to like I say I do
11.
Sleep Easy 04:17
It’s well-intentioned but poorly advised If I were you I would surely think twice You have a habit of walking on ice But the sun is in the sky, it’s best to keep that in mind You’re well-intentioned and sharper than knives But you have a darkness that could battle the night You say you’re fine and I hope you’re alright But lately all I hear is what you croon when you cry, saying I remember nothing but the way we were You’re well-intentioned and one of a kind Whose own inventions are those of the mind Sleep easy, it will level in time Tomorrow you’ll awaken with a smile inside, saying I remember nothing of the way we were
12.
Flackers 01:42

credits

released March 9, 2024

co-produced with rob shelton
rob shelton engineered and mixed
dave mcnair mastered

playing credits:

carly bond guitars on tracks 4 and 5, woodwinds on track 5
zach elsasser drums on tracks 8, 11 and 12
taylor vick sings on track 9
travis vick harmonies on track 7
shawn aplay plays original cello samples on track 6

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Rose Droll Los Angeles, California

With Strangers my new record is out now

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